空

Listening to: 背影 -林宥嘉

感谢我不可以拥抱你的背影

所以才能变成你的背影

躲在安静角落不用你回头看

不用在意

我只能做一辈子的背影
一个黑暗中的影子。

其实好不想回家，空荡荡的家。
感觉心里好空虚。。
好空虚的心情。连工作也一样。

i finally knew watz e feeling like..
feeling empty n hollow.

心疼。

"你纵然不言悔 却从不曾了解

我要的不过就是能安定的感觉"

看到她们难过，伤心，我的心也痛。
心疼她们。

为什么我身边的女人都为了感情而难过?
如果真的有上帝的话，
那么上帝，让我交换，
我愿意用我的一切来交换她们的幸福。
拜托，请让她们幸福。。
我只想要 Qianna,Shandan 和妹 Agnes，开心。
她们都是很好的女孩，
都是我最重要的家人。生命中最重要的家人。
如果要用我的幸福，
把我再冰封在冰冷的世界里，独自一人，我也愿意。
求求你。。给她们快乐，幸福。。
不要让她们再流泪了。

冰封我的心，让我流浪吧。。

我要的不过就是能安定的感觉

感同身受

难过。。

守护天使。。

"伸出右手,想陪着你向前走."

Work:

tdy i was feeling better,but my motivation was still at its
lowest.i still cant find e motivation to work like before.
but then as i reach brm tdy,when i saw e floorplan.
i alr knew chaos was in e making.i alr knew agnes wont
be in brm,well i did in fact encourage her to go up MCT.
i do nt hav any regular vips servers serving e 4 vips,
other than liao chuan n beibei.e other 3 tcc,i seriously
hav no idea who they are.itz been really long tt i do not
have these ppl wrking ard me.
qianna,agnes,xiaoshi,lingzhen,huiling,enci,juli,
ziyan,yi ai,shandan,huimin.none of them are here wif me.

facing with e darting task of running 49 platted vips,
any1 would have fainted at e amt of times to run.
but certainly nt to me.i don noe why,but whenever i
faced wif adversity.i wld be even calmer.tts hw i came this
far n i held my own turf.coz i noe if e rest of them mess up,
it wld be chaotic.i cldnt let it happen n as so i brief liaochuan
n beibei on wat to do coz at least they have e experience.
most impt they take care watz happening outside,e rest was up
to me to handle.n overall,they did well n didnt messed up e event.
e committee actually commented tt our service was efficient.
i was relieved n tired at e end of it..they deserved e praise as
they wrk tgt as a team.

no matter how new they are or whether they have wrk before,
i believe itz a good experience to them.they wld benefit n learn
smthing in e process.n they will get better in time.
1 day,i will nt be here anymore.they will then depend on themselves.
n i strongly believe they will be able to.
coz i learnt to trust their abilities.n they didnt failed my efforts tdy.

but dont give me these kind of situation everyday...
i will be overworked n burnout.=P

我会为自己而活。

相信能找到以前的我。

可能真的需要离开一下，
或许我能找回工作的动力。
找到一个自己要的答案。

天使与魔鬼

frustration,anger.

i had a very bad afternoon.my temper was triggered.
it totally snapped.i dont wish to blog it down.
i juz ranted at joseph pua.plz ask ur wife to come back to work.
'i will confirm then let u know"
tt is simply not a ans i wish to hear.plz bloody hell ask her
to come back n take back e shop.i simply doesnt want any part
of it anymore.
e last straw was u actually ask me to hack care,when e function
actually started early than usual.u juz simply dont understand
hw impt mandarin is to me.these is my family n u are
asking me to leave my family members at lurch when
they needed me.
tts why u will never,or ever deserved to be respected.
i will never respect u in my whole life.coz u r nt fitted to be.

as when i reached e brm,it was alr in a chaotic state.
i didnt noe where to start,as dinner was alr serve 3 quarter
of e courses.i was simply lost...
n it doesnt help much as joseph pull me out to set MCT.
n as so he ignited my fury.i didnt bother abt him
ns i do my own setting by myself.

n as i went down to take stuff frm brm,i met daniel
in e staff lift.he was taking dessert to brm.he was
quite surprised i was here n nt wrking in brm.
well i didnt explain myself much as my mood was swinging.
so i juz tol him to treat my sister nicely n never try to bully her
coz shes my only sister n i doted on her.
i wld simply nt allow any1 to hurt her.
i made a mistake once,no chance in hell i wld let it happen
a 2nd time.i juz hope he was nt scared off by my tone.
if it does,i will apologise.

returned to brm after i completed my set-up,it was almost
serving e last course.i noe im nt in e state to serve e vips.
afraid to kill any1 in e process i juz pickup n leave it to
agnes n yanbin to do e service,while i try to recollect myself.
i lost e motivation to wrk this whole nite.
too much thoughts ran thru my mind.
do i still deserved to be called a vip server?

其实很羡慕妹妹，因为她找到了工做的原动力。
现在的她每天都会开心得笑着，
我也替她开心。。
女生是向外的。有一天她就不需要我再守护她。

现在的我已经失去工做的原动力。
曾经是因为"她"，但我已经没有她了。
我还能依靠什么，继续下去。
我迷失了自己。找不道任何的原动力，
继续工做。。

isolated...
回到家好安静。。
等下一个天亮

懂的人听

Listening to: 下一个天亮 - 郭静

用简单的言语 解开超载的心

有些情绪 是该说给 懂的人听

时间可以磨去我的棱角

有些坚持却永远磨不掉

请容许我 小小的骄傲

因为有你这样的依靠

等下一个天亮

说给 懂的人听...

新婚

my head hurts!!

ah..too much drinks n not enough slp.
but it was a happy occasion,a wonderful wedding went by.
23rd Nov 08,a day to remb for Vince n Eunice.
alot of emotions went thru but i was happy for this pair.
they came a long way n now they are happily married.
it was a hectic day but it was worth it for my buddy of 12yrs.

gone are e rebel sch days of ours.finally settled down
n now he can be officially called a family man.
unbeliveable.met friends tt i havent met in yrs.
they too are married n it really seems tt i have aged.

met my buddy's relatives n friends as i social ard
while helping coordinating his wedding dinner.
pleasant to meet people frm all walks of life,
on another hand,my buddy was over eager to
'promote' me to his other single friends.
good try,but i guess im still enjoying my single life.
thks for e kind priases but im nt as good as u had said.
3 failed relationship in my whole 26yrs,im labeled myself a failure.
if i was as good as u had mentioned,
i guess i wldnt had failed at all.

10mths ago i would have thought:
yup,maybe i would settle down sm day n start a family,
10mths on,guess im nt ready yet.
nt e right time,nt e right person.
juz let fate handles it.juz maybe when my heart opens agn.

"你应该找一个人定下来了。。"

累了，不想再寻寻觅觅了。。
就等待吧。

edward ah,edward... 笨蛋..笨蛋，你真是一个笨蛋!!
agaaga..ahga..ah...uu..agagagagegaga...=)

23rd Nov 2008

e brothers! frm left:me,vince e groom,weikang n jaeson.

24th Nov 2008

n thks for e successful temptation lil one..
i having junk food for supper.=P

珍惜 - 就算没有拥有

还不是时候。

Random:

1 last post before my long day tml.
itz been super long tt i have not work on a weekend.
well,gotta attend my buddy's wedding.
itz his big day n i been waiting for this day to come.
im really happy for him tts hes gonna settle down.

we sat n met e other day to discuss e details of his wedding.
hes gonna leave everything to me since im alr
quite experience in these things.im honoured n definitely
i wanna free him frm his worries n let him enjoy his big day.
so it looks like i gonna be kept quite bz during e whole of tml.

n well e topic of "when's gonna be ur turn?" was brought up.
which i was trying to avoid.

me: im not ready yet.
buddy: u shld settle down too.
me:itz nt e time yet,mayb when i met e rite person ba.
buddy:haiz..bro,u shld love urself more..u r always too good to others.
me: maybe i dont noe why i failed everytime ba.
buddy: 因为你太傻了，每次都对别人好，
都没为自己想想。人善被人欺。

但我就是这样，不会变吧。
或许我真的相信傻人有傻福吧。

只要开心就好。
只要身边的人开心就好。

Maybe this 2 days getting away frm wrk shld do me
some good.i will enjoy myself.=)

简单的幸福

listening to: 伯乐 - 林宥嘉

你让我成长了 就算是痛得值得

爱你的那一个 伤你的那一个

谁才是你爱情中的伯乐

放弃了这一个 然后等待着下一个

一个个过客过得快不快乐

离开时别忘了 看看眼前的人

流泪记住了 还是微笑祝福着

现在的我应该也唱不下情歌了吧。
会有太多的情绪。。

我还是傻傻的帮别人做傻事。。
其实只要身边的人快乐，我也会快乐。
这可能就是简单的幸福吧。

旧，新。。

Random:

这双鞋陪我走了一年。坏了。

有一点舍不得丢掉，但。。。

旧的不去，新的不来。。

路是人走出来的，穿上新的鞋，
开始我新的路程，从新开始。

开始独自流浪。。

been unable to slp these few days.
cant adjust my hibernate mode.
itz always till e wee hrs of e morn then i fall aslp.
struggling to get out of bed in e morn 4 wrk.
my mum has been kicking me out of bed every morn.
brain cells r dying day by day.
juz cant figure out...myself.

今晚，我又睡不著了。。
这个夜晚好平静。
真的好安静。。

闷。。。

我要被放生!!

my life is stuck.=(

为什么我又有一种不知所措的感觉?
我到底怎么了?

闷。。。

担心。

我害怕。。。

心情,轻松了

Listening to: Home - Chris Daughtry

my heart feels free.lighter.happier.

原来我累了好久，我却不知道。
放下的心情真的很好，轻松了好多。

e 1st beam of light shining when i open my eyes everyday.
im really looking forward to my everyday.
my misses are getting lesser each day.
my hp is getting quiet.so is my heart.peaceful.
my worries getting lesser.
my mind is clearer.
nothing for me to hold on.
perhaps my heart is dead.im nt sure.
but i noe e feeling is getting better as each day passes.
i will get used to my singlehood,like it was use to be.
my wings are opened,waiting for myself to soar.
soar with freedom.
whether i be able to love agn.i dont noe.
itz nt a ans i be seekin anymore.
if fate brings me to e right person,
maybe my heart will open up agn.
for nw,im very sure my heart doesnt long for any love,
at least for nw....

im enjoying my wrk once agn.
i used to wrk becoz of "us".
becoz of "her".
but nw..its fun n laughter i enjoy.
my abilities are reconigsed.i have nothing to prove anymore.
im passing it on to all these ppl nw wat i hav learn.
n when 1 day im gone.at least they will still b ard.
anw,im touched to hear tt when days i didnt wrk,
im being missed by these ppl.
im part of mandarin,indefinitely.
staff frm hsekeepin,stewarding,sales,cooks,management,
security,full-timers,pt-timers,tcc,all knew me,
in this 1 whole yr.im glad im part of e family.
no matter where i b heading next,
meritus mandarin is definitely my 2nd home.
itz where i met all these wonderful n lovable bunch.=)

做了一场美丽的梦，已经没有恨了。
梦醒了，现在我可以从新开始我的生活。

摔倒了

我摔倒了，但我立刻再站起来。

I fell hard during function tdy..pretty bad fall.
but i stood up instantly.i dont like e feeling of lying
down there with every1 crowding ard.
it was e 1st time tt i ever fell.
e kitchen floor was damn slippery,
i lost my balance n i flung to e hard concrete flooring.
luckily my immediate reaction was to threw e full load
of my tray away frm me.or it cld hav been disastrous.
e plates cld hav all landed on me instead of juz hurting my
back n my arm,i cld hav been cut up by broken pieces of
chinaware.mayb i juz lost concentration.

my back hurts like hell.but e pain on my body cant b
compare to e hurt in my heart.e things u said cuts it deeper.
身上的痛却不如心痛.

"all u needed was sm1 to be there for u everyday,i cldnt do
so.n so u gave in when smbody else is nice to u.."

these words has erased all tt i had done for u in e past.
i stood by u whenever u nd.
i stood by u when u were in trouble.
i stood by u when u were feeling down.
i stood by u where ever u are.
i nv left u alone.

yet when sm1 else is nice to u,u cld so easily forgotten me.
forgotten all tt i hav done.n im juz nothing to u.
theres no hate in me,i dont hate u,i dont blame u.
juz bcoz i love u.
bt itz alr too late.
u smashed my love for u with ur bare hands.

while i forced myself to smash all my promises to u.
i only hate myself.

跌的很重，但我会从新振作。
从新开始我的生活。

goodbye is e hardest word to say.



P.S: e only bright spot tt make me smile tdy was wrking with agnes n shandan.
they made me smile while at wrk.=)
n e thing i been waiting for being delivered.
my photocard driving license.
i do look gd.=)


these has brighten up my day.=)

不爱我

Listening to: 她不爱我 - 莫文蔚

她不爱我

牵手的时候太冷清

拥抱的时候不够靠近

她不爱我

说话的时候不够认真

沈默的时候又太用心

我知道她不爱我

她的眼神 说出她的心

我看透了她的心

还有别人逗留的背影

她的回忆清除得不够乾净

我看到了她的心

演的全是她和他的电影

她不爱我

尽管如此

她还是赢走了我的心

我该怎么做?

电话中的她，感觉到她的脆弱。
突然间让我不知所措。

不知道能为她做什么，
只希望可以把她的伤减到最低。

唯一能做的，就是守护在她身旁，
我不会让她独自一个人，
因为我不会让她倒下。

seein her cry,it pains me.
a girls'tears r precious.in my eyes.
coz it means their true feelings.
they dont shed for nothing.
i dont noe hw to wipe away e sorrow 4 her.
i cld ony be rite by her,hoping she cld be ok.
lending her a shoulder,a hand,a ear if she nds.

i cldnt concentrate fully at wrk,
coz i was afraid she might hurt herself.
lookin at her,it makes me think as well.
isnt i e same as well?

我何尝不是也在逃避我们之间的问题?

my feelings had changed a long time ago,
but i didnt face it.i was denying myself.
time n time agn.
coz i was hoping things wld changed.
it did hav sm changes,bt i cldnt love her like i used to.

我也在害怕有一天，
我会打碎自己的承诺。

真的害怕。。

亲爱的那并不是爱情

有你在的地方我总感觉很窝心

日子像旋转木马 在脑海里转不停

出现那些你对我好的场景

你说过牵了手就算约定

但亲爱的那并不是爱情

就像来不及许愿的流星

再怎么美丽也只能是曾经

太美的承诺因为太年轻

但亲爱的那并不是爱情

就像是精灵住错了森林

那爱情错的很透明

這最後的愛.

我不該不該 不該在這時候說了我愛妳
要怎麼證明我沒有說謊的力氣
請告訴我 暫停算不算放棄 我只有一天的回憶

緊緊的把那擁抱變成永遠
在我的懷裡妳不用害怕失眠
如果妳想忘記我也能失憶

把故事聽到最後才說再見
妳送我的眼淚 讓它留在雨天
越過妳劃的線我定了勇氣 的終點

我曬乾了沉默 悔得很衝動
就算這是做錯 也只是怕錯過
我能承受 這最後的出口在愛過了才有