倒带

listening to: 倒带 - 周杰倫

过去怎么安排你该给的信赖

我的眼泪却一直掉下来

看我脸上的苍白 看到记忆慢下来

过去甜蜜在倒带 只是感觉已经不在

过去我给的期待被你一次次摔坏

已经碎成太多块要怎么拼凑跟重来

终于看开爱回不来 而你总是太晚明白

最后才把话说开 哭着求我留下来

终于看开爱回不来 我们面前太多阻碍

你的手却放不开 宁愿没出息

求我别离开

告别从前的爱.

烧。

enjoying life:

swimmed,tanned,烧焦。。

影子。

work:

this christmas seems to flash by as i spent my
holidays working this yr.wasnt tt bad as im nt
e holiday person anw.
but i was quite happy thou tt e ppl ard me
are all having a good time with their loved ones.
e ppl tt are so dear to me are smling lots n
it brings joy to me as well.

shandan is bk working agn n i gt so much
things to tel her,but i juz didnt noe where to start.
but agn,i juz wan her to be simple n happy.
so i decided not to say anything.

im learning to get back to e times when i joined bqt.
thou it might be different,but i decided to put my
heart into work n be a good little boy.
stay out of mess n fulfilled my duties.

i saw a image of myself during ot last nite.
in e form of a pt-timer junwei.
it was e 1st time i felt this guy was juz like me
when i started wrking in mandarin.
he has a quiet nature n e drive to work.
a very simple mind n good learning attitude.
same traits tt i had.he made me feel alive once more.
n if he stay long enough,i taking him under my wing
n teach him watever i learned.of coz only e good things
n i miss out e bad habits.i wanna see him take over me
as a vip runner smday.i see e potential in him achieving
smthing great.these batch of new pt-timers,i guess
only him n shengting had caught my eye.becoz they
learn n they work.smthing which i had alr lost.

maybe my time shld be up soon..

对你冷漠,并非无情，

还是会心疼。

只是我不想回到过去,

现在的我只想从新开始。

单单。。

Shandan回来了!

好开心! =)

圣诞节

我住的城巿从不下雪

记忆却堆满冷的感觉

思念的旺季霓虹扫过喧哗的街

把快乐赶得好远

落单的恋人最怕过节

只能独自庆祝 尽量喝醉

我爱过的人没有一个留在身边

寂寞它陪我过夜

merry merry christmas

lonely lonely christmas

想祝福不知该给谁

爱被我们打了死结

lonely lonely christmas

merry merry christmas

写了卡片能寄给谁

心碎的像街上的纸屑

电话不接 不要被人发现

我整夜都关在房间

狂欢的笑声

听来像哀悼的音乐

眼眶的泪 温热冻结

望著电视里的无聊节目

瘫在沙发上变成没知觉的植物

谁来陪我过这圣诞节

圣诞快乐

Merry Christmas to all!!

itz tt time of e year again.
still remb tt this time of e yr,
was celebrating with ppl frm mandarin.
really tot this yr would be special,
but then it wasnt to be as we didnt make it this far.
n im spenting it like e past 25yrs again.alone once more.
not much of a big difference anyway.i used to it.

work really wasnt tt enjoyable for e past week.
coz e topic n attention has been surrounding this
new girl - michelle.it has been michelle this n michelle tt.
itz quite irritating.shes blessed with good looks n shes
catching everyones' attention.reason is simple.
she worked vip on her 1st day of work n she has been
assigned to work vip functions these couple of days.
they wanted to train a few more vip servers as bqt
is cutting down on tcc staff.but shes juz catching
everyones' eye with her looks.itz starting to get messy
all over agn.i gonna stay out of it.whether shes gonna
get in or stay out of this mess,it doesnt concern me.
juz for a short week,she has alr hit it off with so many
guys.itz nt a surprise to me.

n i really hate it tt sm ppl actually
keep coming up to me n ask me how
do i find her as i was usually e one to work with her.
im not in abit interested in her.
im damn irritated.she actually did ask why im so cold
towards her.well i juz told her tt im always like this.
u have try to hit off with e wrong guy.
bcoz im edward,not any other guy in bqt.
stop intruding my life.all i want is peace.

random:

Santa,i been a pretty good boy this yr,
so all i wished n want for christmas is:
Happiness.=)

糟。

心情好闷，糟糕的心情。。

"dont do what u cant promise."

回到最初的时候。

"if you need vases,please engage models."

Chaos on e vip tble..

itz been a very long time tt i work normal tbls.
it was like back to time when i 1st started.
only this time it was different,i wasnt a newbie.
i was much more stronger than before.
i only work once for normal tbl n i was
drafted to be e vip runner.tt was when i met
qianna n xiaoshi.i nv look back then.
tdy was really back to e basics for me.
i enjoyed working normal tbl.thou i wasnt alone.
i got auntie alice to partner me to 3 tbls.
i nv realise hw good she was till i worked with her.
i was working to mine own pace.n she was catching
up to me.i don noe why ppl always like to follow my pace.
juz like wat zhangwei always like to do.he was
always trying to catch my pace.but i have my own
way of working.not once i look at e vip servers.
coz no matter wat,i wld still be faster than them in anyway.
so i do nt hav to follow their pace.i treated my tbls like vips,
i imagined alice as a vip server,n im her runner.
but i learnt e basics tdy.tts e most impt part.
satisfying e guest in everyway.tts service.

random:

i noe my attitude in wrk has changed.
due to e fact tt by e rubbish actics of hakim n joseph.
i can no longer work under them.coz they are
absolute trash.if they really think their way of
working is hell right.then please fired me or banned me.
coz i can nv agree to their way of working.
i have nothing to prove anymore coz i have left
behind a legacy tt no one else cld matched,other
than wilson,eddie n henry.whom i respect with
hands down tt i still have plenty to learn frm them.
i cld learn absolute zeros frm hakim n joseph.
or even ravi which i have alr surpassed long ago.
now,i will work for eddie,wilson n scott only
whether they like it or nt.tts my choice.

facing cheryl once more was nt as difficult as i
have imagined to be.we still talk like as before.
there was no longer any awkardness btw us.
i dont feel anything n it seems i really had let it
go.n e feelings has alr left me.
now,we are juz friends.nothing else.

utter random:

please bless me with some sun ltr,i wanna go swim.=)

感情

"感情是自私的。
它不会容许有其它的人存在
在两个人的世界里。"

tts why i understood her words.
n she shld start pulling herself away frm e guys in her life.
including me.coz im e closest to her.
theres fear,hes insecure.
itz aso because i understand how he feels.
he needs to feel secure.
he needs e assurance frm e person he loves.
n only her can makes him feels assured.
i too have to step away.juz like before.
im grateful for wat she has done for me.
nw i shld do my part n return e favour.
itz e only thing i shld do.
e right thing to do.

time to return to him lil one.
he needs u more in his life.=)

短发

我已剪短我的发 剪断了牵挂

剪一地不被爱的分岔

长长短短 短短长长

一寸 一寸 在挣扎

我已剪短我的发 剪断了惩罚

剪一地伤透我的尴尬

反反覆覆 清清楚楚

一刀两断 你的情话 你的谎话

Finally got my haircut.time to start afresh.
got my 2nd ear-hole as well..
time to hide it at work.=)

自己习惯了吗

Listening to: 你最近还好吗 - S.H.E

有再多的牵挂都已没有权利表达
旧情人给的问候 比陌生人还尴尬
昨天远了 明天还长
回忆模糊但巨大 这样的深夜眼泪要怎样不流下
天有点冷 风有点大
城市宁静而喧哗
这一个冬天我得一个人走回家
问自己习惯了吗
没有你每到夜里回声变得好大
有没有什么好方法
让寂寞更听话

itz been awhile seening qianna.
e surprise we gave her delighted her
n brought all e smiles back on all of our faces.
we haven had such fun for quite awhile.
overnite mahjong was tiring but v fun.
seeing e way shawn,weijie n aik boon plays.
itz really enjoyable n funny.
nt e matter of winning n losing,playing mahjong
to me has always been e laughter tt we share ard e tbl.
talking crap n nonsense.doing funny stuffs.
at e end,itz e joy tt we seek.guess agnes wld agree wif me.


i fully understood e ans tt i seek,after sat ot.
why i didnt want to do ot for hakim.
e reason is simple,i dont like ppl who r nt serious.
actions speaks louder than words.
bt he uses words more than actions.
he doesnt treat his jobs or us seriously.which is why
i dont like him. joseph forced me for a reason
tts e ultimate reason tt piss me off totally.

n it was one of e reason tt let me made my decision.
e decision to leave her.she was nv serious in our relationship.
she was too complicated to my life.where i was seeking
a serious n simple companion,who cld juz understand me.
she wasnt e one.but i nv regretted loving her,coz
she did bring joy to my life before.it has to end.
i did bring myself to face her.n it was juz normal.
but honestly,it was aso due to e fact tt agnes was there with me.
thou we were unhappy wrking in mct,bt our crappiness
did kill off sm boredom n unhappiness.we r v.noisy.
n when she left function,it was all too quiet ard me.
too quiet till i was afraid.e 1st time tt i felt afraid.
but then it did gave me a ans tt i wanted.

simple life,simple friends,simple wishes.

一个人,或许真的挺好的。

新人。

a funny conversation i had with two new staff in e kitchen.

new staff 1:你有东西做吗?
me:没有..
new staff 1:这样你帮我们擦盘。
me:擦盘??
new staff 2:对呀,擦盘。
me:你们知不知道我是谁??!!

im a newbie.i juz walk away.
thks to zhangwei,these new staffs wont dare ask me to
wipe plates anymore.
=)

不可能被代替

Rants:

Drink Server??
i poured,refilled,served,ran,pick-up,portioned,cleared..
done way too much more than juz a drink server.
thought i cld hav a easy time finally tdy at MCT.
scott was very nice enough to let me juz serve drinks
for e nite.n i was saying,well,tt aint nt too bad as
theres only 1 bridal tbl.n i gt beibei n liaochuang
to handle.so i was bascially unneeded coz e two of them
i can fully trust them to work.so i tol myself i dont have to
touch e vip at all.i didnt touch them e whole nite,
but i was touching e rest of e 18tbls..wat e hell..

we had e new regulars up working here.
scott was shaking his head thruout e nite.
looking at e way n e pace they work,he almost exploded.
n he cant stand it n went to e tbles to help as well.
when u gt a captain to come n help out at e tbl,
smthing is really seriously wrong.i always remb
wat henry n wilson tol me when i was still a newbie,
"if i come n help ur tbl,u can pack up n go hm"

if you are handling 1-3tbl,fair enough,help can be provided.
but 2-3tbl??n itz even slower than 1-2tbl pace.tts really bad.
i had nv tried to pick up 3 fishes for e same tbl,cut 3 fishes,went
to two other tbles cut their fishes,came back,n shockinly,
e two staff is still trying to clear their previous course n changing
their plates.im speechless..

maybe agnes was right,i shldnt look at them as regulars,or using
myself as a marker to guage them.they are still new.but sm of
them who wrk brm seems to be alrite.yet tonite,it was horrible.
i noe none of them can reach e level im at,or even agnes.coz we
have been here for such a long time.we have been pushed to e
limits with our work.tts why we expect everyone else to be e
same,so tt we too cld take a break.n nt heard our names being
called everytime.being it small or big matters.to us,we treat
it as a previllege,n honour tt ppl trust n believe our abilities.
but smtime they often forgotten,we r juz humans too.

agnes is always being reprimanded for things nt done by her
coz e captains don noe who to blame when things go wrong.
i was like being neglected by them as they seems to
treat me as 1 of them as i noe wat to n wat nt to do.
they are giving me way too much authority.smtimes i juz
wish they cld or instruct me to do smthing juz like a
normal pt-timer.i been treated like thin air everytime.

ggin bk to e times we had so much regulars,where each
n 1 of them cld handle 1-3tbles.they wont break too much
sweat handling.n we joined,we added wings to them.
e captains r spoilt for choice on who to put.there r so
many strong staff they can call upon n they cld wrk easy
thru out e nite.but nw,each n every1 had slowly left.they
have to be on their toes everytime they handle functions.
they keep jamming my phone,making sure i b there.
even when they hav enough staff,they aso wan me
to be there.making sure i cld back-up if smthing goes
wrong.captains r asking me to work their functions,to
stay for ots.nt even asking if i tired or nt,whether i want
or not.tts y i pushed n ranted at e new regulars.i hoped,wished
n wanted them to pick-up n learn as fast as possible.
coz im really tired.really really tired.
n they better drop e idea of nt using tcc staff anymore.
these bunch of new comers,r unable to replace these
batch of tcc staff.coz these batch of tccs,r way much
better than them.

n this fabian guy has stepped on my nerve tonite.hes
trying to act way too much clever for himself.n he reminds
me of a previous staff tt i hate.e male version fang jie.

失眠

又再度失眠了。。。=(

该面对。

Random:

i walk,i searched,i asked...
i still cant find e wind-chimes tt i wanted.
looks like i have to search smwhere else.

my room is in a mess,i cant stand it.
really need to start clearing n pack up my stuff.
my mind is in a mess as well.
im nt sure im ready to see cher this sat.
thou we might had talk to each other already.
everything is alrite btw us,but to see her..
im not sure.to be honest,i relieve tt im actually
working Mct while shes at Brm.but i noe i
gotta face her sooner or ltr.itz always like this.
when it happens to other ppl,wld always tell them
to face it.but when it happen on myself,i finally knew
hw difficult it was.

im grateful to lil agnes.she had been diverting my
attention away for e past weeks,which i might
had run wild with my thoughts.i have too much free
time with me.if nt for her,i might have sunk myself
deeper.but to be fair,i dont wish bcoz of us,she had to
suffer with me.wilson separated me n cher frm
working tgt fearing tt we cant get along.so he
put me n agnes up to mct,as well as he wanna
separate e vips servers equally.
but i noe agnes wanna be in brm coz daniel will
be there.so i tol her to change with sm1 else.
itz ok with me as i feel she had done enough.
n she shld go down n accompany daniel as
they juz started n shld spend more time tgt.
im fine workin by myself juz like before.

对她已经没有了爱，只剩下回忆。
我相信该面对的，我必须自己去面对。
必须独自面对。
因为这条漫长寂寞的路，
是我自己独自一个人走的。

最珍贵。

This is where we met,we played n we shared.

Quoted:

juz 1 word:B-e-a-utiful. =)

我要的自由。

work:

Shandan is finally back today!!
miss her quite alot for e past 2 weeks.
itz like missing a left hand everytime i wrk.
finally itz bk to a familiar feeling agn.
it will ony be another 2 days n she wld be
leaving for home.=(
worst thing is im gonna wrk mct on her last day.
n she requested for me to come brm to be her runner.
hw can i possibly reject n disappoint her??
sorry scott,thou i love u but i love shandan much more.
so i gonna "panseh" u on sunday..=P

tdy was really really very slack.
we had 4 vip tbls n we had shandan,agnes
weijie n shawn serving while i was e spare.
but 1 tbl vip was nt open n it was 5ppl to 3 tbles.
how slack can u get??we cld even take turns
to clear,pick-up n even eat in e kitchen.
n we had regulars staying for ot.n things were
done pretty quickly without instructions passing out
coz basically,every1 noes wat shld be done.
and e reward?1 hr of rest before we finally head for hm.

anw,i feel im bk to myself,as in juz like when i 1st came
into mandarin.theres a bunch of new regulars out there
which i dont really noe.n i don bother to noe them.
juz like when i was starting to work for bqt.
i was by myself n i dont tok to these ppl.coz i juz feel
i wanna keep my life simple nw.i dont nd another mess
agn,to turn my world upside down.

i noe i will nv have e same heartbeat like before.
i will nv be e same agn anymore.
im free frm worries.
shandan will be away for 3 weeks,
qianna shld have gt a solution to her prob.
lil agnes is well taken care of nw.
as for me..i juz wanna be set free.

我相信那时的决定没有错。
也相信自己的眼光和感觉。
因为现在的她每天都很开心。
那时帮妹妹拿电话是没错的。
现在她学会了放下，往前走，也长大了。
我不用在守护着她，因为我相信
他可以做得更好，好好的照顾她。
这一次她会快乐和幸福。=)

而我决定不再爱了，心冰封了。
很平静。感觉好老了，累了。
除非我的心还能被感动，
要不然我绝对不会再心动。
曾经有过心动，心疼，心痛的感觉，
但现在很害怕会有这些感觉。
所以我只想拥有现在的简单。
因为真的老了。。

被宠的小孩。

being pampered..

im a happy little boy. =)

空

Listening to: 背影 -林宥嘉

感谢我不可以拥抱你的背影

所以才能变成你的背影

躲在安静角落不用你回头看

不用在意

我只能做一辈子的背影
一个黑暗中的影子。

其实好不想回家，空荡荡的家。
感觉心里好空虚。。
好空虚的心情。连工作也一样。

i finally knew watz e feeling like..
feeling empty n hollow.

心疼。

"你纵然不言悔 却从不曾了解

我要的不过就是能安定的感觉"

看到她们难过，伤心，我的心也痛。
心疼她们。

为什么我身边的女人都为了感情而难过?
如果真的有上帝的话，
那么上帝，让我交换，
我愿意用我的一切来交换她们的幸福。
拜托，请让她们幸福。。
我只想要 Qianna,Shandan 和妹 Agnes，开心。
她们都是很好的女孩，
都是我最重要的家人。生命中最重要的家人。
如果要用我的幸福，
把我再冰封在冰冷的世界里，独自一人，我也愿意。
求求你。。给她们快乐，幸福。。
不要让她们再流泪了。

冰封我的心，让我流浪吧。。

我要的不过就是能安定的感觉

感同身受

难过。。

守护天使。。

"伸出右手,想陪着你向前走."

Work:

tdy i was feeling better,but my motivation was still at its
lowest.i still cant find e motivation to work like before.
but then as i reach brm tdy,when i saw e floorplan.
i alr knew chaos was in e making.i alr knew agnes wont
be in brm,well i did in fact encourage her to go up MCT.
i do nt hav any regular vips servers serving e 4 vips,
other than liao chuan n beibei.e other 3 tcc,i seriously
hav no idea who they are.itz been really long tt i do not
have these ppl wrking ard me.
qianna,agnes,xiaoshi,lingzhen,huiling,enci,juli,
ziyan,yi ai,shandan,huimin.none of them are here wif me.

facing with e darting task of running 49 platted vips,
any1 would have fainted at e amt of times to run.
but certainly nt to me.i don noe why,but whenever i
faced wif adversity.i wld be even calmer.tts hw i came this
far n i held my own turf.coz i noe if e rest of them mess up,
it wld be chaotic.i cldnt let it happen n as so i brief liaochuan
n beibei on wat to do coz at least they have e experience.
most impt they take care watz happening outside,e rest was up
to me to handle.n overall,they did well n didnt messed up e event.
e committee actually commented tt our service was efficient.
i was relieved n tired at e end of it..they deserved e praise as
they wrk tgt as a team.

no matter how new they are or whether they have wrk before,
i believe itz a good experience to them.they wld benefit n learn
smthing in e process.n they will get better in time.
1 day,i will nt be here anymore.they will then depend on themselves.
n i strongly believe they will be able to.
coz i learnt to trust their abilities.n they didnt failed my efforts tdy.

but dont give me these kind of situation everyday...
i will be overworked n burnout.=P

我会为自己而活。

相信能找到以前的我。

可能真的需要离开一下，
或许我能找回工作的动力。
找到一个自己要的答案。

天使与魔鬼

frustration,anger.

i had a very bad afternoon.my temper was triggered.
it totally snapped.i dont wish to blog it down.
i juz ranted at joseph pua.plz ask ur wife to come back to work.
'i will confirm then let u know"
tt is simply not a ans i wish to hear.plz bloody hell ask her
to come back n take back e shop.i simply doesnt want any part
of it anymore.
e last straw was u actually ask me to hack care,when e function
actually started early than usual.u juz simply dont understand
hw impt mandarin is to me.these is my family n u are
asking me to leave my family members at lurch when
they needed me.
tts why u will never,or ever deserved to be respected.
i will never respect u in my whole life.coz u r nt fitted to be.

as when i reached e brm,it was alr in a chaotic state.
i didnt noe where to start,as dinner was alr serve 3 quarter
of e courses.i was simply lost...
n it doesnt help much as joseph pull me out to set MCT.
n as so he ignited my fury.i didnt bother abt him
ns i do my own setting by myself.

n as i went down to take stuff frm brm,i met daniel
in e staff lift.he was taking dessert to brm.he was
quite surprised i was here n nt wrking in brm.
well i didnt explain myself much as my mood was swinging.
so i juz tol him to treat my sister nicely n never try to bully her
coz shes my only sister n i doted on her.
i wld simply nt allow any1 to hurt her.
i made a mistake once,no chance in hell i wld let it happen
a 2nd time.i juz hope he was nt scared off by my tone.
if it does,i will apologise.

returned to brm after i completed my set-up,it was almost
serving e last course.i noe im nt in e state to serve e vips.
afraid to kill any1 in e process i juz pickup n leave it to
agnes n yanbin to do e service,while i try to recollect myself.
i lost e motivation to wrk this whole nite.
too much thoughts ran thru my mind.
do i still deserved to be called a vip server?

其实很羡慕妹妹，因为她找到了工做的原动力。
现在的她每天都会开心得笑着，
我也替她开心。。
女生是向外的。有一天她就不需要我再守护她。

现在的我已经失去工做的原动力。
曾经是因为"她"，但我已经没有她了。
我还能依靠什么，继续下去。
我迷失了自己。找不道任何的原动力，
继续工做。。

isolated...
回到家好安静。。
等下一个天亮

懂的人听

Listening to: 下一个天亮 - 郭静

用简单的言语 解开超载的心

有些情绪 是该说给 懂的人听

时间可以磨去我的棱角

有些坚持却永远磨不掉

请容许我 小小的骄傲

因为有你这样的依靠

等下一个天亮

说给 懂的人听...

新婚

my head hurts!!

ah..too much drinks n not enough slp.
but it was a happy occasion,a wonderful wedding went by.
23rd Nov 08,a day to remb for Vince n Eunice.
alot of emotions went thru but i was happy for this pair.
they came a long way n now they are happily married.
it was a hectic day but it was worth it for my buddy of 12yrs.

gone are e rebel sch days of ours.finally settled down
n now he can be officially called a family man.
unbeliveable.met friends tt i havent met in yrs.
they too are married n it really seems tt i have aged.

met my buddy's relatives n friends as i social ard
while helping coordinating his wedding dinner.
pleasant to meet people frm all walks of life,
on another hand,my buddy was over eager to
'promote' me to his other single friends.
good try,but i guess im still enjoying my single life.
thks for e kind priases but im nt as good as u had said.
3 failed relationship in my whole 26yrs,im labeled myself a failure.
if i was as good as u had mentioned,
i guess i wldnt had failed at all.

10mths ago i would have thought:
yup,maybe i would settle down sm day n start a family,
10mths on,guess im nt ready yet.
nt e right time,nt e right person.
juz let fate handles it.juz maybe when my heart opens agn.

"你应该找一个人定下来了。。"

累了，不想再寻寻觅觅了。。
就等待吧。

edward ah,edward... 笨蛋..笨蛋，你真是一个笨蛋!!
agaaga..ahga..ah...uu..agagagagegaga...=)

23rd Nov 2008

e brothers! frm left:me,vince e groom,weikang n jaeson.

24th Nov 2008

n thks for e successful temptation lil one..
i having junk food for supper.=P

珍惜 - 就算没有拥有

还不是时候。

Random:

1 last post before my long day tml.
itz been super long tt i have not work on a weekend.
well,gotta attend my buddy's wedding.
itz his big day n i been waiting for this day to come.
im really happy for him tts hes gonna settle down.

we sat n met e other day to discuss e details of his wedding.
hes gonna leave everything to me since im alr
quite experience in these things.im honoured n definitely
i wanna free him frm his worries n let him enjoy his big day.
so it looks like i gonna be kept quite bz during e whole of tml.

n well e topic of "when's gonna be ur turn?" was brought up.
which i was trying to avoid.

me: im not ready yet.
buddy: u shld settle down too.
me:itz nt e time yet,mayb when i met e rite person ba.
buddy:haiz..bro,u shld love urself more..u r always too good to others.
me: maybe i dont noe why i failed everytime ba.
buddy: 因为你太傻了，每次都对别人好，
都没为自己想想。人善被人欺。

但我就是这样，不会变吧。
或许我真的相信傻人有傻福吧。

只要开心就好。
只要身边的人开心就好。

Maybe this 2 days getting away frm wrk shld do me
some good.i will enjoy myself.=)

简单的幸福

listening to: 伯乐 - 林宥嘉

你让我成长了 就算是痛得值得

爱你的那一个 伤你的那一个

谁才是你爱情中的伯乐

放弃了这一个 然后等待着下一个

一个个过客过得快不快乐

离开时别忘了 看看眼前的人

流泪记住了 还是微笑祝福着

现在的我应该也唱不下情歌了吧。
会有太多的情绪。。

我还是傻傻的帮别人做傻事。。
其实只要身边的人快乐，我也会快乐。
这可能就是简单的幸福吧。

旧，新。。

Random:

这双鞋陪我走了一年。坏了。

有一点舍不得丢掉，但。。。

旧的不去，新的不来。。

路是人走出来的，穿上新的鞋，
开始我新的路程，从新开始。

开始独自流浪。。

been unable to slp these few days.
cant adjust my hibernate mode.
itz always till e wee hrs of e morn then i fall aslp.
struggling to get out of bed in e morn 4 wrk.
my mum has been kicking me out of bed every morn.
brain cells r dying day by day.
juz cant figure out...myself.

今晚，我又睡不著了。。
这个夜晚好平静。
真的好安静。。

闷。。。

我要被放生!!

my life is stuck.=(

为什么我又有一种不知所措的感觉?
我到底怎么了?

闷。。。

担心。

我害怕。。。

心情,轻松了

Listening to: Home - Chris Daughtry

my heart feels free.lighter.happier.

原来我累了好久，我却不知道。
放下的心情真的很好，轻松了好多。

e 1st beam of light shining when i open my eyes everyday.
im really looking forward to my everyday.
my misses are getting lesser each day.
my hp is getting quiet.so is my heart.peaceful.
my worries getting lesser.
my mind is clearer.
nothing for me to hold on.
perhaps my heart is dead.im nt sure.
but i noe e feeling is getting better as each day passes.
i will get used to my singlehood,like it was use to be.
my wings are opened,waiting for myself to soar.
soar with freedom.
whether i be able to love agn.i dont noe.
itz nt a ans i be seekin anymore.
if fate brings me to e right person,
maybe my heart will open up agn.
for nw,im very sure my heart doesnt long for any love,
at least for nw....

im enjoying my wrk once agn.
i used to wrk becoz of "us".
becoz of "her".
but nw..its fun n laughter i enjoy.
my abilities are reconigsed.i have nothing to prove anymore.
im passing it on to all these ppl nw wat i hav learn.
n when 1 day im gone.at least they will still b ard.
anw,im touched to hear tt when days i didnt wrk,
im being missed by these ppl.
im part of mandarin,indefinitely.
staff frm hsekeepin,stewarding,sales,cooks,management,
security,full-timers,pt-timers,tcc,all knew me,
in this 1 whole yr.im glad im part of e family.
no matter where i b heading next,
meritus mandarin is definitely my 2nd home.
itz where i met all these wonderful n lovable bunch.=)

做了一场美丽的梦，已经没有恨了。
梦醒了，现在我可以从新开始我的生活。

摔倒了

我摔倒了，但我立刻再站起来。

I fell hard during function tdy..pretty bad fall.
but i stood up instantly.i dont like e feeling of lying
down there with every1 crowding ard.
it was e 1st time tt i ever fell.
e kitchen floor was damn slippery,
i lost my balance n i flung to e hard concrete flooring.
luckily my immediate reaction was to threw e full load
of my tray away frm me.or it cld hav been disastrous.
e plates cld hav all landed on me instead of juz hurting my
back n my arm,i cld hav been cut up by broken pieces of
chinaware.mayb i juz lost concentration.

my back hurts like hell.but e pain on my body cant b
compare to e hurt in my heart.e things u said cuts it deeper.
身上的痛却不如心痛.

"all u needed was sm1 to be there for u everyday,i cldnt do
so.n so u gave in when smbody else is nice to u.."

these words has erased all tt i had done for u in e past.
i stood by u whenever u nd.
i stood by u when u were in trouble.
i stood by u when u were feeling down.
i stood by u where ever u are.
i nv left u alone.

yet when sm1 else is nice to u,u cld so easily forgotten me.
forgotten all tt i hav done.n im juz nothing to u.
theres no hate in me,i dont hate u,i dont blame u.
juz bcoz i love u.
bt itz alr too late.
u smashed my love for u with ur bare hands.

while i forced myself to smash all my promises to u.
i only hate myself.

跌的很重，但我会从新振作。
从新开始我的生活。

goodbye is e hardest word to say.



P.S: e only bright spot tt make me smile tdy was wrking with agnes n shandan.
they made me smile while at wrk.=)
n e thing i been waiting for being delivered.
my photocard driving license.
i do look gd.=)


these has brighten up my day.=)

不爱我

Listening to: 她不爱我 - 莫文蔚

她不爱我

牵手的时候太冷清

拥抱的时候不够靠近

她不爱我

说话的时候不够认真

沈默的时候又太用心

我知道她不爱我

她的眼神 说出她的心

我看透了她的心

还有别人逗留的背影

她的回忆清除得不够乾净

我看到了她的心

演的全是她和他的电影

她不爱我

尽管如此

她还是赢走了我的心

我该怎么做?

电话中的她，感觉到她的脆弱。
突然间让我不知所措。

不知道能为她做什么，
只希望可以把她的伤减到最低。

唯一能做的，就是守护在她身旁，
我不会让她独自一个人，
因为我不会让她倒下。

seein her cry,it pains me.
a girls'tears r precious.in my eyes.
coz it means their true feelings.
they dont shed for nothing.
i dont noe hw to wipe away e sorrow 4 her.
i cld ony be rite by her,hoping she cld be ok.
lending her a shoulder,a hand,a ear if she nds.

i cldnt concentrate fully at wrk,
coz i was afraid she might hurt herself.
lookin at her,it makes me think as well.
isnt i e same as well?

我何尝不是也在逃避我们之间的问题?

my feelings had changed a long time ago,
but i didnt face it.i was denying myself.
time n time agn.
coz i was hoping things wld changed.
it did hav sm changes,bt i cldnt love her like i used to.

我也在害怕有一天，
我会打碎自己的承诺。

真的害怕。。

亲爱的那并不是爱情

有你在的地方我总感觉很窝心

日子像旋转木马 在脑海里转不停

出现那些你对我好的场景

你说过牵了手就算约定

但亲爱的那并不是爱情

就像来不及许愿的流星

再怎么美丽也只能是曾经

太美的承诺因为太年轻

但亲爱的那并不是爱情

就像是精灵住错了森林

那爱情错的很透明

這最後的愛.

我不該不該 不該在這時候說了我愛妳
要怎麼證明我沒有說謊的力氣
請告訴我 暫停算不算放棄 我只有一天的回憶

緊緊的把那擁抱變成永遠
在我的懷裡妳不用害怕失眠
如果妳想忘記我也能失憶

把故事聽到最後才說再見
妳送我的眼淚 讓它留在雨天
越過妳劃的線我定了勇氣 的終點

我曬乾了沉默 悔得很衝動
就算這是做錯 也只是怕錯過
我能承受 這最後的出口在愛過了才有

好吓人...

Edward uses judgment to make decisions. He is ruled by his head, not his heart. He is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see him as unemotional. He does have emotions but has no need to express them. He is withdrawn into himself and enjoys being alone.

The circumstances when Edward does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets him mad enough to tell him off, he will not be sorry about it later. He puts a mark in his mind when someone angers him. He keeps track of these marks and when he hits that last mark he will let them know they have gone too far. He is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All his conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. He is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, he has poise.

Edward will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. He would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, he will show his love by the things he does rather than by the things he says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because he feels his mate should already know. The only exception to this is if he has logically concluded that it is best for his mate to hear him express his love verbally.

Edward is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to him, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of his sound judgment. He will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. He will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and he will always ask "Is this best for me?"

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Edward doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

Edward is not facing something going on in his life today. He is deceiving himself about it. Often, Edward's opinion of himself is different than those around him. This trait gives Edward the ability to deny anything that does not agree with his "truth." This trait is not always something negative. It is only a defense mechanism allowing Edward not to face some reality in his life at this time.

According to the inputted data, Edward has a stinger shape inside the oval of his a, d, or c. This might be hard to visualize, but if this little hooklike shape is present, then Edward has an unresolved "issue" with strong members of the opposite gender. An occasional appearance of this stroke could indicate a simple "loves a mental challenge" which can manifest in playful linguistic conversations and being attracted to a lover who isn't always available. However, if the stroke is severe, this means the individual has unresolved anger at the oppostive gender - which usually started with the person's childhood relationship with the opposite gender parent (Mom or Dad). If the writer is a woman she will be attracted to strong challenging men. If the writer is a man, he will find the woman who is "hard to get" the most attractive. In a nutshell, people with stingers in their writing tend to have challenges in their romantic relationships.

Edward is a cumulative and procedural thinker. He likes to have all the facts before making a decision. He thinks or creates much like a brick mason, stacking fact upon fact. His thought pattern or the conclusion will not be complete until the last fact is in place. Like that brick wall, Edward learns faster through visual demonstration than through quick verbal instructions. Once he has learned new material, and understood it, he won't forget.
Edward is a methodical thinker, therefore he is able to build things and come up with new ideas. In an argument, he often loses to rapid thinking people because he is thinking thirty minutes later about what he should have said. These people often are very booksmart, but can be out-gunned in a rapid fire verbal debate.
He may learn new ideas at a slower pace than other "less detailed" people, but once he gets it, he can handle repetition. Some people hate jobs with too much repetition, he can handle it better than most.

Edward is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. He needs to visualize the end of a project before he starts. he finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said he plans everything he is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Edward basically feels good about himself. He has a positive self-esteem which contributes to his success. He feels he has the ability to achieve anything he sets his mind to. However, he sets his goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". He has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, he will not take great risks, as they relate to his goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, his self-perception is better than average.

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Edward has left lots of white space on the all four borders of the paper. Edward fills up just the center area of the page. If this is true, then Edward has a particular shyness toward people and a fear of moving too fast in any direction. In some cultures, respecting people, rules, and adhering to protocol are ways of life.
The right side of the page represents the future and the left side represents the past. Edward seems a bit stuck in the middle, afraid to take action.
Edward seems to have a fear of looking bad or of crossing boundries. It will be easy to work with Edward on a team, because Edward will usually follow the rules. However, this desire to respect the boundries can often be construed as a lack of confidence and people will walk over Edward if he is not careful.

只要

我只要自己，
希望待在身边的人，
可以待在我身边，
那就够了。

迷失.

work:

EXTREME TIREDNESS
i feel every part of me tearing apart.
same routine everyday..
open shop,sit,walk,sell.
close shop.rush to mandarin.run e vips.
end of function,turnover breakfast.
hm,130am/230am.
itz always damn funny when i walk into
e function rm n they r always abt to start
i dont even hav time to take a sip of water.
tt day was even funnier,i came n they were all
line up outside 4 1st course presentation.
i juz went to e kitchen n pick up,came out.wat e hell...
smtime..i juz dont even noe why i wrk so hard for.
or im juz using wrk to avoid sm other things?
im juz keeping myself v busy thru out.

ramdom:

emotional turmoil.
seems like im quite easily pissed nwadays.
friends r avoiding me like im a volcano waiting to erupt.
sm r juz which i really wanna avoid.
i ranted n they tasted my wrath.
theres fury in my eyes.
they had nv seem me like this 4 a long time.
i had forgotten when it was e last time,
they had seem e expression on my face.
which is tellin every1 2 stay away n stay out of my path.
n stay out of my life.

我已经在黑暗中迷失了方向。

停

Listening to: 说好的幸福呢 - 周杰伦

时间过了 走了 爱情面临选择
你冷了 倦了 我哭了
一开始都不快乐 你用卡片纸写着
有些爱只给到这 真的懂了
怎么了 你累了 说好的 幸福呢
我懂了 不说了 爱淡了 梦远了
开心与不开心 一一细数着 你在不舍
那些爱过的感觉都太深刻 我都还记得

你不等了 说好的 幸福呢
我错了 泪干了 放手了 后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒在旋转着 要怎么停呢

Rants:

enough is enough.
i dont nd anymore explaination,
i dont nd anymore apologies.
i dont nd u ppl to do so much things.
juz leave me alone.
stop all e nonsense plz
i had enough.

我是一个恶魔

恶魔缠身，大坏人.

why cant u juz give me e space tt i need?
why do u hav to look for me?
why do u hav to make me face u?
why do u hav to make me say all these things out?
why do u hav to shed tears for a guy like me?
why do u hav to chose me?

im juz a devil tt hurts u.

朋友,而已

请不要对我有除了朋友以外的期待，
我对你只能到此为此而已。

爱,还要多久

Quote:

爱情，是两人之间最深得相对论。。
当不信任时，其实是你在怀疑自己。。
当想离开时，其实是你不想据续。。
爱情，必须在这过程中，发现自己。。
爱情，是动态的成长，不是静态的相守。。
爱情让我发现了珍惜眼前人。。
但是令人最痛苦的是，发现对方已不爱你了。。
这还要的等待吗？？
不管多久的时间，如果还爱一个人的话。。
不管一天？一个星期？一个月？还是一年？
只要相信爱情,
我就会爱你。

恨

"恨自己" =(

我们?

two days.

without you
im still moving on.
itz juz seems tt everytime we wld juz drift apart
you r always bz.which i understand
and i juz wrking away myself.

smtimes i really wish tt u were by my side.
bt itz always too much to ask.
smtimes juz a little words of concern wld brighten my day
bt itz like too much to ask as well.
as time goes by,it didnt matter anymore.
smtimes i juz wonder,
am i tt bad?
keeping our relationship tightlipped.
cant i face e world?
i have to hide myself everytime.
i simply don noe.
it was my way of protecting you.
protecting our love.

bt was it love at all?
it gt me thinkin over n over agn
till e point tt i think it was pointless to think anymore.
juz wat are we?

maybe it was nv meant to be.

像风一样的爱

if you let go of wat you are,
you will become wat u wld be.
Without suffering
There wont be compassion.

Love is always patient n kind,
Never jealous,
Love is never boastful or conceited
It is never rude n selfish
It does not take offence
It is not resentful.

My love is juz like e wind
I cant see it
But I can feel it

我曾经告诉自己要用一生的生命来保护你，
不管在那里我都会在你能看得见我的地方，
永远陪在你的身边。

说好的幸福呢

你的绘画凌乱着 在这个时刻

我想起喷泉旁的白鸽　甜蜜散落了

情绪莫名的拉扯　我还爱你呢

伴你断断续续唱着歌 假作没事了

时间过了 走了 爱情面临选择

你冷了 倦了 我哭了

一开始都不快乐 你用卡片纸写着

有些爱只给到这 真的懂了

怎么了 你累了 说好的 幸福呢

我懂了 不说了 爱淡了 梦远了

开心与不开心 一一细数着 你在不舍

那些爱过的感觉都太深刻 我都还记得

你不等了 说好的 幸福呢

我错了 泪干了 放手了 后悔了

只是回忆的音乐盒在旋转着 要怎么停呢

问号?

Listening to: When You re Gone - Avril Lavigne

她在我心中到底是一个惊叹号，是爱情的句号,
还是脑海里永远的问号?

All I ever wanted was for you to know

Everything I do, I give my heart and soul

I can hardly breathe

I need to feel you here with me

爱我和我爱的人。

Quote:

"Love is a meeting of e minds.
and Beating of Hearts.
Falling in Love is easy.
Staying in Love is something Special."

一个在用心喜欢我的人，一个我曾经用心爱的人。
两个我都不想伤害的人。

易碎

work:

it has been super tiring for e past week.
guess i haven fully recovered frm F1.
it has taken a toll on my body.
feeling all e aches frm head to toe.
caught a cold n suffering frm a block nose..darn.
i cant breathe properly..
im becoming fragile.
handle with care plz.

random:

was feeling lost when u called me e other nite
i really dont noe wat to say to u.
it was a really long silence.
mayb my words had hurt u unknowingly.
but i do hope u are ok.
i do noe u really care for me.
i really appreciate wat u done for me.
but then..
im really sorry.

有时候我们只是在错的时间遇到对方。

可能就变成我们以后的遗憾。

一直都在你身边

listening to: How do i Live - LeAnn Rimes

If you ever leave

Baby you would take away everything good in my life

And tell me now

How do I live without you

I want to know

How do I breathe without you

If you ever go

How do I ever, ever survive

how do I live

it was a song i listen over n over agn.
a question i asked myself over n over agn.
after so long i had finally cleared my mind.
e things tt had held me back in e past.
i really cld put them down nw.

i used to think wat wld happen if she had left me.
will i be able to carry on?
she was smhw a strength of mine.
but nw i hav a ans.
it was a big "YES".
i cld go on without her.

spending these few days tgt,
stay by her side n watching over her was enough.
it gave me e ans.
it was nw more of,wat wld happen if i left her?
i was always by her side.

when she was feeling down,i was by her side.
when she cried,i was by her side.
when she need sm1 when her friend passed away,i was by her side.
when she fell sick,i was by her side.
when she faced problems,i was by her side.
when she needed help,i was by her side.
when she didnt love me n love another,i was by her side.
when she hurt me e deepest,i was by her side.
when she gt hurt by e person she loved,i was by her side.
when she had her birthday,i was by her side.
when she was feeling hungry always,i was by her side.
when she was tired n needed comfort,i was by her side.
when she was feeling afraid,i was by her side.

all this while i been by her side,being there for her.
by her side to protect,care,love n concern unconditionally.
i nv left her all these while.
i believe no other bf she has met before me,
has treated her e way like i do.
n so it was gonna be wat wld happen to her,
if i left her?i dont noe.seriously.
whether she wld treasure me in e future,
n stay by my side,its her choice.
i gave her chances after chances.
for me,it doesnt matter anymore.
coz i alr noe i cld go on without her in my life anymore.
tt was e ans i found.

Cause I Believe

那幸福不滅的定律

你的手心 不一定由我握緊

就像恆星總會有發光的原因

And I Believe

你值得被珍惜

也值得我放棄

我，你，她

3 long days of wrking @ F1 is finally over.
im part of tt famous history for nw.
was really really very exhausted.
wasnt eating properly,wasnt having enough slp.
i lost almost 3kg.=(

it has been a great event.
nt sure whether i be part of it agn nx yr.
but it has been quite a experience.
managing a group of ppl wasnt easy.
thou i had done it b4,but for a group of ppl who
does nt hav e skills,it was a uphill task.

anw,watching F1 on live in action was really great.
it was a pulsating race,lots of drama n unexpected turn of events.
farrari had e best position on day 2 yet in e end they lost e final
on e 3rd day when both their drivers crashed out.
n alonso who had a 15th position emerged champion on e final.
he too became part of history to be e 1st night race champion.
it was really exciting.
for nw..i nd plenty of rest to recuperate my muscles..
they r aching like hell.

random:

i have learn alot this few days.
been concentrating fully on wrk.
thanks for showing me so much concern in e past few days.
worried abt my health n everything.
but im really alrite.
im glad i hav a friend like you.thks for being there all this while.
but now,really.i dont wish to complicate my life.
lets juz let nature take itz course.

F1

24-sep 08

1st day of set up for Spore 1st ever F1 nite race.

it was plenty of moving things ard n setting up of e rooms.

we will be catered 8rms in total.

n e rms we r in get a pretty good view of e starting n finishing lines.

so we will be actually seeing e action live n watz more,

itz free n we r paid.lol =D

met my click after wrk for dinner.they held a post birthday

celebration for me thou it had alr passed.

n im sorry i was late for almost an hr.

really felt bad abt it.

no party,no cake,no presents.

but juz dinner n catch up session.

juz e way i like it.simple meal with sm gd friends.

thou they paid for my share.

free agn..haha.

anw thks agn,

tom,alex,yizhong,ray,jess,lizhen n

claire for organising this dinner for me.

cant believe u managed to get yizhong out

been ages i hav seen him.tot he rot away frm this world alr.=P

25 sep 08

2nd day of pre-setup.

final touches to e rms we setted ytd n e 2 rms

tt we left untouched.

everything is in place for e opening day tml.

getting real excited for it as we saw e real F1 cars tdy.

plus e racers.lewis hamilton,massa etc in person.

itz like another few hrs n we will make history.

e 1st ever night race n i be there wrking n watching at e same time.

now,preparing to pack my bags n camp for e nx 3 days

at wrk.

F1 team workshop

F1 race track,starting point

Mclaren ctrl booth n of coz e real thing..F1 cars.

simlators at rm BMW.

快乐

22 SEP 2008- i've turn 26.

Quote:

简单就是美.

真心诚意的祝福,
才是最温馨的

i definitely enjoy my birthday tdy.it was a pleasant surprise.

ony tot tt i will be juz enjoying a simple dinner with my

dearest sister n good buddy.

coz i tol them juz hav a simple meal it was enough alr.

in e end i didnt knew so many of them turn up as well.=)

theres enci,juli,xiaoshi even mr henry lim!haha.

so theres ony 1 suggestion by e bunch.

e usual click n e usual stuff..sing k with buffet.lol

n i was suprised by their birthday cake attack..

wasnt expecting it.

almost cried..nah..juz kidding.

but i do definitely felt touched.

1st ever celebration i had in 26yrs,i do will remb

tdy in yrs to come n

these bunch of lovely ppl in my life.

they say real friends r hard to find,

but i had found a few true friends,a wonderful sister,good buddy

n a great manager in my short stay in mandarin.

i m contented alr.

these ppl make a difference in my life n i wld cherish

them close to my heart.

they have made this birthday special.

i really enjoyed myself,

once agn,

THANK YOU MY DEAR ONES.I LOVE U ALL!=)

i love these bunch of ppl

时间,我对你还..

listening to: 祝我生日快乐 - 温岚

我知道伤心不能改变什么

那么 让我诚实一点

诚实 难免有不能控制的宣泄

只有关上了门 不必理谁

一个人坐在空荡包厢里面

手机 让它休息一夜

难 想切歌 切掉回忆的画面

眼泪不能流过十二点

生日快乐 我对自己说

蜡烛点了 寂寞亮了

生日快乐 泪也溶了

我要谢谢 你给的你拿走的一切

还爱你 带一点恨

还要时间 才能平衡

热恋伤痕 画面重生

祝我生日快乐

Quote:

IF you really love something set it free
If it comes back it's yours .
If it doesn’t , it was never meant to be .

放。

既然已经决定要松手，

就不要再握的那么紧。

放手,也是一种爱。

累，真的累了。

Feeling: down,damn down..

its a hard to breathe morning as i sat alongside my mum n bro
at e lawyers office.listening to every word e consultant had to say.
well.final verdict is.we r ggin to court.as my parents r offically
filing for divorce.
and it meant e split of property.
e legal advice was we have to sell e house.
so it might be v soon,im gonna be homeless..
well..not exactly.
juz my mum n me have to move into my bro's place for
e time being.itz nt gonna be a long term solution.
he has 3 kids n itz gonna be squeezy,ony 3 rooms..headache.

i hate my dad.hate him to e core.after so many yrs,
he still has to come back n haunt us.
all he ever wan was money.hes totally rubbish,a fucker.
juz like my grandfather said,good for nothing.
i had wrk so hard to provide my mum a roof of our own.
yet he juz came in juz like tt n try to take everything frm us.
thou e lawyer say he wont win completely,he would at least
get 30% of e amount.darn..
but it seems tts e ony way to get him out of our lifes.
im gonna be on e move agn.=(

well,tot tt i cld put all these aside for e time being as
ppl frm mandarin wanted a gathering to celebrate my birthday.
tot at least i cld bask myself in sm fun..
it wasnt so in e end as most of e ppl cldnt make it.
it was quite last min as they really didnt plan it well enough.
i wasnt too bother thou as my mind wasnt at it anw.
n i nv celebrate my birthday,so it was ok.
i appreciate her effort.she wanted to plan smthing 4 me.
but i knew her too well.her heart wasnt at it.if i was really
tt significant,she wld hav gone to great lengths to plan it.
but i wasnt e 1.she says shes over it,but itz hard isnt it?
wld it b so easy to get over it if she didnt love him?
so it doesnt matter.n of course most importantly,
she has to go for training.its her love.
but i understand,i dont blame her.
i promised i wont flare up at her anymore or lose my temper.
im getting juz too tired for all these.
this is a small matter.so im nt making a fuss.
at least she did make an effort to came down
n accompany me for a few hrs
contented n enough.
im thkful she has e thoughts.
n e ppl ard me aso thou i really admit..this plan was a failure.

Relationship:

i once heard a friend said this:
a bird n tortoise r 2 diff animals,hw do u get them to fall in luv?
itz his logic coz of e different characters of him n his gf of 10yrs,
which nw they r happily married.
it applied to me.
im juz like a tortoise,walking at a slow n steady pace.an introvert
she is juz like a bird,flying high with freedom,an astrovert
2 different personalities.hw do u make them fall in luv?
u cant.unless sacrifices r made.
at point of danger,e tortoise wld use his shell n shield e bird.
prevent her frm getting harm.
e bird wld in turn sacrifice flyin n walk alongside e tortoise.
losing her carefreeless.
tts wat my friends did for each other.n tts y they r spending e rest
of their lifes tgt as 1.makin sacrifices for each other.

as for myself.i have alr sacrificed alot for this relationship.
time n time agn i shield her,shower her with all
e care n concern i cld give.
to other ppl i might be a perfect guy,a perfect bf.
but watz e use??
it juz seems like no matter wat i do,
or hw hard i try.it wasnt enough for her to juz slow down
n walk with me.to ask her to make tt sacrifice is too much.
itz quite ironic smtimes.
itz was till tt day i was suddenly uncontactable tt she was
feeling worried for me.realising mayb..juz mayb i meant smthing.
watever she wanna do,i juz let her do it.
i wont be troubled anymore.itz her choice,her freedom.
but for nw.im really getting too tired.
i juz wanna hide bk into my shell n walk my own pace agn.
i dont wan anymore troubles to weigh me down.

theres a long war ahead of me nw.
i fighting it.by myself.

累，真的累了。

老了..

i cant believe juz in another few more days,
i wld be turning 26 alr.
another yr older..
well..anw.it makes no diff.
i still look quite young..hahaha
birthday,itz juz another day for me.
nv celebrated it before.
so im thankful tt ppl actually wanted to
help me celebrate.

im grateful to her tt she actally wanted to plan smthing for me.
well,thou it was quite bad planning skills,
i cant blame her coz she busy wif sch n training
i alr quite happy tt she has e thought.
i really dont nd elaborated celebration,
fancy gifts or anything.

all i really ask for is really simple,
a simple meal tgt,a movie would b juz fine.
juz sm quality time spent,
juz e two of us.
but tt was before,i had wished.
knowing her,she wld rather have a crowd.
coz itz much better tt way as she like it.
im ok with it.
i understand her more than she understand me.
im a simple person.
juz a simple affair will do juz fine.

i dont know how it will be like,
still kind of funny thou,
tt ppl r actually celebrating for me.
lol..wat e hell am i thinking??
but im juz take it as like a gathering ba.
hope i can enjoy myself n juz put me off
my recent troubles for awhile.

i cant wait for F1..getting real excited for this event.=)

对不起

listening to: 伯乐 - 林宥嘉

爱你的那一个 伤你的那一个
谁才是你爱情中的伯乐 放弃了这一个
然后等待着下一个 最后哪一个让你最舍不得
感谢不能让别人来说 你给过我的
她们是做不到的 那时候的幸福是真的
虽然过去了 我们也都经历了
释怀教育着仇恨 和平劝着天下人
故事发生便住下了 不管好的坏的
你让我成长了 就算是痛得值得
爱你的那一个 伤你的那一个
谁才是你爱情中的伯乐
放弃了这一个 然后等待着下一个
一个个过客过得快不快乐
爱你的那一个 伤你的那一个
谁才是你爱情中的伯乐 放弃了这一个
然后等待着下一个
别太多过客祝
你早日快乐
离开时别忘了 看看眼前的人
流泪记住了 还是微笑祝福着

Annoyed at myself.
poor with words.
when it comes to matters of e heart.
im sorry.
i have hurt another.
so sorry tt i really cant accept u.
it isnt tt u aint good enough.
juz tt i alr have her in my heart.
im thankful for ur affection.
but i juz cant leave her out of my heart nw.
if my words are harsh..
im really sorry.
i cherish our friendship
i really do,
so i hope it will stay tt way.
so i really wanna say:

对不起!

现在

There was a time I packed my dreams away
Living in a shell, hiding from myself.
There was a time when I was so afraid
I thought I’d reached the end.
Baby, that was then.
But I am made of more than my yesterdays.

I had to decide.
Was I gonna play it safe?
Or look somewhere deep inside,
Try to turn the tide.
Find the strength to take that step of faith?

I have a courage like never before,
I settled for less,
but I’m ready for more

This is my now,
And I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around,
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fear’s behind me,
Gone are the shadows and doubt.
That was then.
This is my now.

相信

不管苦与悲
相信会有人分忧
不管喜与乐
相信会有人分享
不管这条路多难走
相信会有人牵着我的手

只要有你陪在我左右，
我就会相信

只要相信，
相信自己。

我就会爱你。

简简单单

我们都是泡沫轻轻一碰就破

眼泪是爱的火花

昨天就像飞机穿过我的窗口

我什么都没有

我摊开了双手

你予取予求

直到你想自由

痛苦的时候我不会闪躲

就像树叶甘心为春风吹落

只是简简单单的爱过

我还是我

简简单单的想过

就不算白活

简简单单的疯过

被梦带走

当故事结束之后

心也喜欢一个人寂寞

歇息

tts e end of
partition @ mct A...rest in peace.

this is wat happens when things are gonna fall apart n u shldnt force it...

another day at wrk.

came late in e morn as usual..

eddie blasted my phone like crazy.

well,at least scott was relieved to see me when i reported at mct..LATE.

at least it was late than nv come at all..tts wat he said.

so he juz gave me e motivation to continue to be late..haha.

anw.it was city-mission lunch,

e ppl eat like crazy.i tot e 7th mth had alr passed??darn..

i had fun ranting at ah lian..

4 her mistake in making e guys at bel do a double job

frm changing their red n black tbl cloth to brown instead,

reason:coz she didnt read e change sheet..

tts a good way nt to let e manager close u early thou..lol

weijie,shawn n daniel came over frm bel to help with turnover,

after they retified ah-lian's mistake at bel.

e duo of weijie n shawn keep kbing each other thruout e setup,

itz always funny to see them wrk smtimes.

pratically it was quite fast as eddie sent another 3 staff frm brm.

it was then e hseman had prob with e patition at court A.

n we stood n see hw it slowly falls apart.

untill finally it was gone.RIP.

closed at 5pm n

went out with juliana bte selamat n agnes to hav dinner coz

our dear juli wanna buy 4D..??erm..ok.

she always warm me with her bubbliness.

wrk mct wedding dinner with scott n hakim.

scott was still tinkering with e idea of stealing aik boon frm bel,

but afraid tt eddie would steal me frm him to brm

let him drop e idea in e end.

so it was me n sandra at mct,

shawn,weijie,aikboon,daniel n qianna at bel,

agnes,juli n shandan at brm.

there wasnt much of a "government" when dinner started

as scott was busy looking after e tcc new staffs.

hakim was as his usual dissappearing acts

other than e ocassionallyof appearring in kitchen looking for food.

n plenty of it as 2 reserved tbl were nt opened.

so i grabbed food as well for my vip girls junjun n sandra.

qianna tried to sneak attack me on 2 occasion as she

was in e kitchen taking stuff while i was picking up.

she failed twice as i spotted her on both times.

all functions ended at 11.30pm as no turnover was required.

been a long time tt i had to take public transport hm.

well at least my supper was saved..

thks to lil sis n juli for dabaoing chicken rice frm brm..keke. :D
at e end of e day,it was fun as i totally juz focus on wrking.

random:

life is full of ups n downs.

smtimes i do wish theres was another person to take over frm me.

it doesnt really matter.but it was till then i realised,

there wont b another me.me will always be me,theres only 1.

i believe theres always a mountain higher,sm1 more capable than me.

i met my match in david ho n thomas chew.but with utter respect.

coz i nv see them as foes,rather as ppl i learn frm.

for e past few mths,thomas n i had alr build quite a reputation n a team.

coz we were really sharing alot of shit wrk.

e kbing n pking had help shit times past faster.thou nw he has left,

i wished him best of luck.

n itz back to myself on my own.

it was till sm of e nites i nv wrk they felt e pinch..

well i alr warn them beforehand.n i wld gladly pass it on to sm1 else e shit loads.so tt eddie can blast sm1 else phone n nt mine everytime.

of course there are still ppl i dont like when i wrk.

i looked him in e eye tt day,he didnt dare look straight at me.

guilty?mayb..he juz didint dare to look.

it doesnt matter anymore.i cant be bothered by these ppl.

i alr learnt things shld nt be forced.itz no use when it wasnt meant to be.

will juz stick to my promises.

for nw,i juz wan time to calm my heart,search my soul.

"累了就要坐下来歇息;
休息是为了走更长远的路."

是该停下脚步了，
去用心看一看。

juz let it be.

有时候

有时候 我会相信一切有尽头
相聚离开 都有时候 没有什么会永垂不朽
可是我害怕会被你知道 熬成缠绵的伤口
到底是要远远看你?
还是靠近一点更好?
我不确定你是不是我一直要找的主角
我用骗人的祈祷骗自己
我现在很好
和你在一起的每分每秒 就像走过彩虹隧道.

无私的爱

有人说这个世界不会有永恒的爱情。你我之间，如果 短暂的爱情也无法存在，不如放开彼此。爱你，就该让你去追寻你的幸福。
当你快乐时，我也 快乐。因为你的一切，我都在意

因为爱你，所以希望你快乐。
因为爱过你, 我依然不会后悔。

静静的

逃避不一定躲得过,

面对不一定最难受.

孤单不一定不快乐,

得到不一定能长久.

失去不一定不再有,

转身不一定最软弱.

这些话我了解，但是否做不做得到
我不知道, 我真的不知道

"世界上多了什么　好像变得很不同

站在妳身边　这一切都好宽阔

心里面藏着什么　你只想要让我懂

原来我的梦　也就是你的梦

纸条上写了什么　我好想要听你说

让字字句句　充满我们的笑容

永远要记得那天彼此许下的承诺

瞬间点亮的火花　是我们的拥有

我还在等着妳　静静的爱我

只要有你陪我　静静的就足够

你也在等着我　静静的温柔

就这样手牵手　静静的看着天空

静静的手牵手　是最简单的梦"

这就是最简单的梦
我放弃了吗?

重新出发

Random:


was basically charging myself e last few days.
really rotting in days without work.
sleeping away n stay out of hm
once i woke up
as usual my mum ranted.
ah...
finally will be wrking tdy.



well,was suppose to accompany cheryl to repair her phone,
in e end her phone revived by itself,
so we save e trip n money to sent for repair.
n we didnt meet up in e end.


got a surprise call frm christine
havent met her in mths since her dad pass away late last yr.
wanted to mit up for dinner.
quite a surprised to me when she told me she own me a dinner treat.lol
anw,met her in suntec as i was in town.
she look in better spirits nw compare to e last time i saw her.
much more cheerful nw.


i didnt wanted her to burnt her wallet so i actually suggested foodcourt.
in e end gt reprimanded by her,saying tt im too unpolite n nt giving her face.
coz she was supposed to give me a treat.so shes nt ggin to settle for foodcourt.
this is e 1st time i gt a treat frm a girl,so awkard..=P
so in e end i let her decide instead.
we ended walking round e fountain of wealth n stopped
we stare at each other n in a moment of silence
still cant decide wat to eat..kind of dumb..haha.


chris: u r still e same old u.. she said
me: wat?!..i really cant decide these kind of things.i stuff watever is edible in my stomach..i replied.


well.finally we decide to go western.
n we chose NYDC.we sat in
then came another prob..e menu
i hate to read frm a menu with a long list of food.
so i threw e ball back to chris n let her chose instead as she e one paying
juz nt nice for me to chose.
n she made e recommendations n i ask her to go ahead with it.

we had a breeze conversation thru meal.
we were quite bad as we gossips of our common friends n our past time.
it was quite smtime tt i had chatted with smone tt was so close to me in e past
haven been able to really let my hair down e past few weeks as prob held me down n made me so uptight.so e chat really help me losen up abit.
back to my nonsensical self as we joked.
i haven seen her smile for quit awhile since her dad pass away.
so nw i knew she really had letten go abit n was much more braver in facing e truth.
im happy for her tt she was able to let go.
after which she ordered a latte n a american cheesecake for me.
came as a surprised she still remb tt i drink a double shot latte n my fav cheesecake.
tot she had alr forgotten.haha.
i share e dessert with her as i was really quite full le.
guess i nd to hav sm exercise after this meal..lol


we ended dinner n i felt quite bad tt a girl actually paid for my meal. =(
so i offered tt i act as a bodyguard for her n escort her home safely in return.
she laughed agn at my nonsense.
so we stroll our way to esplanade as she said she nd to burn sm calories.haha
we sat down n enjoy e breeze for awhile as we waited for our full stomachs to digest.
after which we took a bus to her place n i walk with her a farmiliar route tt we taken before.
e place havent change much juz tt e park nearby has been upgraded.
we reach her place n i thanked her for e dinner treat which i still don noe for watever reason as i didnt ask..
n she thank me vice versa for senting her back.
bidded goodbyes n goodnites as i started to make my way bk hm.


along e way,i was thinking.
it was almost like old times when we were tgt.
juz tt nw we are juz friends.
n i was glad we were still be able to be friends thou she was e one who initiated e breakup.
i noe tt in my heart theres ony 1 tt i loved till nw.
n when i reached home,she was still e person tt i sent a msg to.
of course theres e facts i accepted,tt thou i gave my heart to her.
e love wont be reprocitated.itz alrite.i alr quite contented nw.
wat more do i need to ask?


relationship is not my piroity nw
for me itz time to start my life once more.
start afresh.
new me,new plans ahead.
i need to move ahead n nt stopping at where i am.

重新出发!!

我是坏人

如果说你要走 我不会留

我不去管以后

多么痛 多么的难过

别越爱越难过

然后连话都不说 继续沉默

连朋友都没得作 为了什么

然后跟别人说你其实还是爱我

就算了吧

坏人我来做

坏人我来做...

忘了爱

thoughts:

been thinking long n hard.
looking back at e times we have been tgt.
it has been really wonderful.
i shld return ur freedom.
juz bcoz u shld be happy.

说
对我诉说你跟他满脸笑容
我微笑地聆听接受
过去的你和我是否也爱得那么冲动
痛哭好久 开心也有 让人感动
心情不好你会来跟我说
我安慰你不难过
等你恢复笑容总是笑着道谢转身走
I could see I love you
It hurts me deep in my heart
你还在我心上某一个地方
看着你为了他失魂落魄不说一句话
但是我的心现在却比你还伤
I could see I love you
It hurts me deep in my heart
我不能像你这样说分了就忘
我这样是坚强
还是忘了爱的勉强
让你看透我的心现在我不想
是该说放就放
就试着遗忘
痛苦我会遗忘
只想看你开心的模样
新的恋情让它成长
而过去
就放在心上

one day u will meet e person tt u would actually love
it doesnt have to be me.

Cause I Believe
那幸福不滅的定律
你的手心 不一定由我握緊
就像恆星總會有發光的原因
And I Believe
你值得被珍惜
也值得我放棄

手放开

lyrics: Here Without You - 3 Doors Down

Everything I know, and anywhere I go

It gets hard but it wont take away my love

And when the last one falls

When it's all said and done

It gets hard but it wont take away my love

I'm here without you baby

But you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby

And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby

But you're still with me in my dreams

And tonight girl its only you and me

thoughts:


life is juz like a ferris wheel.
it goes round n round,in cycles tt will nv stop.
smtimes u juz wish it stop at e highest pt.
stopping at tt moment of time
where e most beautiful view is.

itz e same thing in relationship.
realise smthings doesnt last forever.
i given my all n shldnt have any regrets anymore
i have no regrets loving her.
n during this period of time,
im contented.
itz time to let go.
letting her free
letting her fly.
goodbye is e hardest word to say.
but its better than hearing a thousand sorries


promises are forever,they still lasts forever.

好男人,坏男人

"other than you n wilson,i think theres no other good guys left in mandarin."
"you are really a nice guy"

tts wat qianna tol me e other day when i visited her at her wrkplace in far east.
i took it as a compliment.
it was smthing i always hear.
bt then agn,good guys usually dies early
nobody would remb them
but e bad guys,
no matter hw bad they are
they will always be remembered.
n they always outlived e good guys.
life is just this unfair.

"男人不坏,女人不爱"

tts hw true e words are.
no matter hw good i am to you,
it juz wasnt any use.
i will nt be remember.
e things i took time off,
juz to prepare,wanted to cheer u up,
will nv be seen.
it our last week tgt.
i juz wanna treat u well
treat u rite.
still in my own way.

after this..
juz let me be e bad guy
this time....

自由的飛

it wont b special anymore.
coz im nt e person tt u wan.
to spent tt special day with you.
it doesnt matter anymore.
i accept e fact.
i know once i left,i will nv turn back anymore
as long you are happy n fine
im contented
i will nt stand in ur way,
im letting you fly.

sorry..

放开手是我最後的温柔

如果你能飞得 快乐自由

这疼痛 并不算什麽

守护天使

listening to: Your Guardian Angel - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm stronger I've figured out
How this world turns cold and breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away,
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be ok
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

life always have twists.
u will never ever know when it decided to play a joke on u.
i never knew..it would.
fate?
faith?
beliefs?
i used to believe in them.
nt anymore.
e days are nearing.
e devil had look at me and smile.
i been damaged...hard.
im picking myself up.
i will nv meet my guardian angel.
i know.