倒带

listening to: 倒带 - 周杰倫

过去怎么安排你该给的信赖

我的眼泪却一直掉下来

看我脸上的苍白 看到记忆慢下来

过去甜蜜在倒带 只是感觉已经不在

过去我给的期待被你一次次摔坏

已经碎成太多块要怎么拼凑跟重来

终于看开爱回不来 而你总是太晚明白

最后才把话说开 哭着求我留下来

终于看开爱回不来 我们面前太多阻碍

你的手却放不开 宁愿没出息

求我别离开

告别从前的爱.

烧。

enjoying life:

swimmed,tanned,烧焦。。

影子。

work:

this christmas seems to flash by as i spent my
holidays working this yr.wasnt tt bad as im nt
e holiday person anw.
but i was quite happy thou tt e ppl ard me
are all having a good time with their loved ones.
e ppl tt are so dear to me are smling lots n
it brings joy to me as well.

shandan is bk working agn n i gt so much
things to tel her,but i juz didnt noe where to start.
but agn,i juz wan her to be simple n happy.
so i decided not to say anything.

im learning to get back to e times when i joined bqt.
thou it might be different,but i decided to put my
heart into work n be a good little boy.
stay out of mess n fulfilled my duties.

i saw a image of myself during ot last nite.
in e form of a pt-timer junwei.
it was e 1st time i felt this guy was juz like me
when i started wrking in mandarin.
he has a quiet nature n e drive to work.
a very simple mind n good learning attitude.
same traits tt i had.he made me feel alive once more.
n if he stay long enough,i taking him under my wing
n teach him watever i learned.of coz only e good things
n i miss out e bad habits.i wanna see him take over me
as a vip runner smday.i see e potential in him achieving
smthing great.these batch of new pt-timers,i guess
only him n shengting had caught my eye.becoz they
learn n they work.smthing which i had alr lost.

maybe my time shld be up soon..

对你冷漠,并非无情，

还是会心疼。

只是我不想回到过去,

现在的我只想从新开始。

单单。。

Shandan回来了!

好开心! =)

圣诞节

我住的城巿从不下雪

记忆却堆满冷的感觉

思念的旺季霓虹扫过喧哗的街

把快乐赶得好远

落单的恋人最怕过节

只能独自庆祝 尽量喝醉

我爱过的人没有一个留在身边

寂寞它陪我过夜

merry merry christmas

lonely lonely christmas

想祝福不知该给谁

爱被我们打了死结

lonely lonely christmas

merry merry christmas

写了卡片能寄给谁

心碎的像街上的纸屑

电话不接 不要被人发现

我整夜都关在房间

狂欢的笑声

听来像哀悼的音乐

眼眶的泪 温热冻结

望著电视里的无聊节目

瘫在沙发上变成没知觉的植物

谁来陪我过这圣诞节

圣诞快乐

Merry Christmas to all!!

itz tt time of e year again.
still remb tt this time of e yr,
was celebrating with ppl frm mandarin.
really tot this yr would be special,
but then it wasnt to be as we didnt make it this far.
n im spenting it like e past 25yrs again.alone once more.
not much of a big difference anyway.i used to it.

work really wasnt tt enjoyable for e past week.
coz e topic n attention has been surrounding this
new girl - michelle.it has been michelle this n michelle tt.
itz quite irritating.shes blessed with good looks n shes
catching everyones' attention.reason is simple.
she worked vip on her 1st day of work n she has been
assigned to work vip functions these couple of days.
they wanted to train a few more vip servers as bqt
is cutting down on tcc staff.but shes juz catching
everyones' eye with her looks.itz starting to get messy
all over agn.i gonna stay out of it.whether shes gonna
get in or stay out of this mess,it doesnt concern me.
juz for a short week,she has alr hit it off with so many
guys.itz nt a surprise to me.

n i really hate it tt sm ppl actually
keep coming up to me n ask me how
do i find her as i was usually e one to work with her.
im not in abit interested in her.
im damn irritated.she actually did ask why im so cold
towards her.well i juz told her tt im always like this.
u have try to hit off with e wrong guy.
bcoz im edward,not any other guy in bqt.
stop intruding my life.all i want is peace.

random:

Santa,i been a pretty good boy this yr,
so all i wished n want for christmas is:
Happiness.=)

糟。

心情好闷，糟糕的心情。。

"dont do what u cant promise."

回到最初的时候。

"if you need vases,please engage models."

Chaos on e vip tble..

itz been a very long time tt i work normal tbls.
it was like back to time when i 1st started.
only this time it was different,i wasnt a newbie.
i was much more stronger than before.
i only work once for normal tbl n i was
drafted to be e vip runner.tt was when i met
qianna n xiaoshi.i nv look back then.
tdy was really back to e basics for me.
i enjoyed working normal tbl.thou i wasnt alone.
i got auntie alice to partner me to 3 tbls.
i nv realise hw good she was till i worked with her.
i was working to mine own pace.n she was catching
up to me.i don noe why ppl always like to follow my pace.
juz like wat zhangwei always like to do.he was
always trying to catch my pace.but i have my own
way of working.not once i look at e vip servers.
coz no matter wat,i wld still be faster than them in anyway.
so i do nt hav to follow their pace.i treated my tbls like vips,
i imagined alice as a vip server,n im her runner.
but i learnt e basics tdy.tts e most impt part.
satisfying e guest in everyway.tts service.

random:

i noe my attitude in wrk has changed.
due to e fact tt by e rubbish actics of hakim n joseph.
i can no longer work under them.coz they are
absolute trash.if they really think their way of
working is hell right.then please fired me or banned me.
coz i can nv agree to their way of working.
i have nothing to prove anymore coz i have left
behind a legacy tt no one else cld matched,other
than wilson,eddie n henry.whom i respect with
hands down tt i still have plenty to learn frm them.
i cld learn absolute zeros frm hakim n joseph.
or even ravi which i have alr surpassed long ago.
now,i will work for eddie,wilson n scott only
whether they like it or nt.tts my choice.

facing cheryl once more was nt as difficult as i
have imagined to be.we still talk like as before.
there was no longer any awkardness btw us.
i dont feel anything n it seems i really had let it
go.n e feelings has alr left me.
now,we are juz friends.nothing else.

utter random:

please bless me with some sun ltr,i wanna go swim.=)

感情

"感情是自私的。
它不会容许有其它的人存在
在两个人的世界里。"

tts why i understood her words.
n she shld start pulling herself away frm e guys in her life.
including me.coz im e closest to her.
theres fear,hes insecure.
itz aso because i understand how he feels.
he needs to feel secure.
he needs e assurance frm e person he loves.
n only her can makes him feels assured.
i too have to step away.juz like before.
im grateful for wat she has done for me.
nw i shld do my part n return e favour.
itz e only thing i shld do.
e right thing to do.

time to return to him lil one.
he needs u more in his life.=)

短发

我已剪短我的发 剪断了牵挂

剪一地不被爱的分岔

长长短短 短短长长

一寸 一寸 在挣扎

我已剪短我的发 剪断了惩罚

剪一地伤透我的尴尬

反反覆覆 清清楚楚

一刀两断 你的情话 你的谎话

Finally got my haircut.time to start afresh.
got my 2nd ear-hole as well..
time to hide it at work.=)

自己习惯了吗

Listening to: 你最近还好吗 - S.H.E

有再多的牵挂都已没有权利表达
旧情人给的问候 比陌生人还尴尬
昨天远了 明天还长
回忆模糊但巨大 这样的深夜眼泪要怎样不流下
天有点冷 风有点大
城市宁静而喧哗
这一个冬天我得一个人走回家
问自己习惯了吗
没有你每到夜里回声变得好大
有没有什么好方法
让寂寞更听话

itz been awhile seening qianna.
e surprise we gave her delighted her
n brought all e smiles back on all of our faces.
we haven had such fun for quite awhile.
overnite mahjong was tiring but v fun.
seeing e way shawn,weijie n aik boon plays.
itz really enjoyable n funny.
nt e matter of winning n losing,playing mahjong
to me has always been e laughter tt we share ard e tbl.
talking crap n nonsense.doing funny stuffs.
at e end,itz e joy tt we seek.guess agnes wld agree wif me.


i fully understood e ans tt i seek,after sat ot.
why i didnt want to do ot for hakim.
e reason is simple,i dont like ppl who r nt serious.
actions speaks louder than words.
bt he uses words more than actions.
he doesnt treat his jobs or us seriously.which is why
i dont like him. joseph forced me for a reason
tts e ultimate reason tt piss me off totally.

n it was one of e reason tt let me made my decision.
e decision to leave her.she was nv serious in our relationship.
she was too complicated to my life.where i was seeking
a serious n simple companion,who cld juz understand me.
she wasnt e one.but i nv regretted loving her,coz
she did bring joy to my life before.it has to end.
i did bring myself to face her.n it was juz normal.
but honestly,it was aso due to e fact tt agnes was there with me.
thou we were unhappy wrking in mct,bt our crappiness
did kill off sm boredom n unhappiness.we r v.noisy.
n when she left function,it was all too quiet ard me.
too quiet till i was afraid.e 1st time tt i felt afraid.
but then it did gave me a ans tt i wanted.

simple life,simple friends,simple wishes.

一个人,或许真的挺好的。

新人。

a funny conversation i had with two new staff in e kitchen.

new staff 1:你有东西做吗?
me:没有..
new staff 1:这样你帮我们擦盘。
me:擦盘??
new staff 2:对呀,擦盘。
me:你们知不知道我是谁??!!

im a newbie.i juz walk away.
thks to zhangwei,these new staffs wont dare ask me to
wipe plates anymore.
=)

不可能被代替

Rants:

Drink Server??
i poured,refilled,served,ran,pick-up,portioned,cleared..
done way too much more than juz a drink server.
thought i cld hav a easy time finally tdy at MCT.
scott was very nice enough to let me juz serve drinks
for e nite.n i was saying,well,tt aint nt too bad as
theres only 1 bridal tbl.n i gt beibei n liaochuang
to handle.so i was bascially unneeded coz e two of them
i can fully trust them to work.so i tol myself i dont have to
touch e vip at all.i didnt touch them e whole nite,
but i was touching e rest of e 18tbls..wat e hell..

we had e new regulars up working here.
scott was shaking his head thruout e nite.
looking at e way n e pace they work,he almost exploded.
n he cant stand it n went to e tbles to help as well.
when u gt a captain to come n help out at e tbl,
smthing is really seriously wrong.i always remb
wat henry n wilson tol me when i was still a newbie,
"if i come n help ur tbl,u can pack up n go hm"

if you are handling 1-3tbl,fair enough,help can be provided.
but 2-3tbl??n itz even slower than 1-2tbl pace.tts really bad.
i had nv tried to pick up 3 fishes for e same tbl,cut 3 fishes,went
to two other tbles cut their fishes,came back,n shockinly,
e two staff is still trying to clear their previous course n changing
their plates.im speechless..

maybe agnes was right,i shldnt look at them as regulars,or using
myself as a marker to guage them.they are still new.but sm of
them who wrk brm seems to be alrite.yet tonite,it was horrible.
i noe none of them can reach e level im at,or even agnes.coz we
have been here for such a long time.we have been pushed to e
limits with our work.tts why we expect everyone else to be e
same,so tt we too cld take a break.n nt heard our names being
called everytime.being it small or big matters.to us,we treat
it as a previllege,n honour tt ppl trust n believe our abilities.
but smtime they often forgotten,we r juz humans too.

agnes is always being reprimanded for things nt done by her
coz e captains don noe who to blame when things go wrong.
i was like being neglected by them as they seems to
treat me as 1 of them as i noe wat to n wat nt to do.
they are giving me way too much authority.smtimes i juz
wish they cld or instruct me to do smthing juz like a
normal pt-timer.i been treated like thin air everytime.

ggin bk to e times we had so much regulars,where each
n 1 of them cld handle 1-3tbles.they wont break too much
sweat handling.n we joined,we added wings to them.
e captains r spoilt for choice on who to put.there r so
many strong staff they can call upon n they cld wrk easy
thru out e nite.but nw,each n every1 had slowly left.they
have to be on their toes everytime they handle functions.
they keep jamming my phone,making sure i b there.
even when they hav enough staff,they aso wan me
to be there.making sure i cld back-up if smthing goes
wrong.captains r asking me to work their functions,to
stay for ots.nt even asking if i tired or nt,whether i want
or not.tts y i pushed n ranted at e new regulars.i hoped,wished
n wanted them to pick-up n learn as fast as possible.
coz im really tired.really really tired.
n they better drop e idea of nt using tcc staff anymore.
these bunch of new comers,r unable to replace these
batch of tcc staff.coz these batch of tccs,r way much
better than them.

n this fabian guy has stepped on my nerve tonite.hes
trying to act way too much clever for himself.n he reminds
me of a previous staff tt i hate.e male version fang jie.

失眠

又再度失眠了。。。=(

该面对。

Random:

i walk,i searched,i asked...
i still cant find e wind-chimes tt i wanted.
looks like i have to search smwhere else.

my room is in a mess,i cant stand it.
really need to start clearing n pack up my stuff.
my mind is in a mess as well.
im nt sure im ready to see cher this sat.
thou we might had talk to each other already.
everything is alrite btw us,but to see her..
im not sure.to be honest,i relieve tt im actually
working Mct while shes at Brm.but i noe i
gotta face her sooner or ltr.itz always like this.
when it happens to other ppl,wld always tell them
to face it.but when it happen on myself,i finally knew
hw difficult it was.

im grateful to lil agnes.she had been diverting my
attention away for e past weeks,which i might
had run wild with my thoughts.i have too much free
time with me.if nt for her,i might have sunk myself
deeper.but to be fair,i dont wish bcoz of us,she had to
suffer with me.wilson separated me n cher frm
working tgt fearing tt we cant get along.so he
put me n agnes up to mct,as well as he wanna
separate e vips servers equally.
but i noe agnes wanna be in brm coz daniel will
be there.so i tol her to change with sm1 else.
itz ok with me as i feel she had done enough.
n she shld go down n accompany daniel as
they juz started n shld spend more time tgt.
im fine workin by myself juz like before.

对她已经没有了爱，只剩下回忆。
我相信该面对的，我必须自己去面对。
必须独自面对。
因为这条漫长寂寞的路，
是我自己独自一个人走的。

最珍贵。

This is where we met,we played n we shared.

Quoted:

juz 1 word:B-e-a-utiful. =)

我要的自由。

work:

Shandan is finally back today!!
miss her quite alot for e past 2 weeks.
itz like missing a left hand everytime i wrk.
finally itz bk to a familiar feeling agn.
it will ony be another 2 days n she wld be
leaving for home.=(
worst thing is im gonna wrk mct on her last day.
n she requested for me to come brm to be her runner.
hw can i possibly reject n disappoint her??
sorry scott,thou i love u but i love shandan much more.
so i gonna "panseh" u on sunday..=P

tdy was really really very slack.
we had 4 vip tbls n we had shandan,agnes
weijie n shawn serving while i was e spare.
but 1 tbl vip was nt open n it was 5ppl to 3 tbles.
how slack can u get??we cld even take turns
to clear,pick-up n even eat in e kitchen.
n we had regulars staying for ot.n things were
done pretty quickly without instructions passing out
coz basically,every1 noes wat shld be done.
and e reward?1 hr of rest before we finally head for hm.

anw,i feel im bk to myself,as in juz like when i 1st came
into mandarin.theres a bunch of new regulars out there
which i dont really noe.n i don bother to noe them.
juz like when i was starting to work for bqt.
i was by myself n i dont tok to these ppl.coz i juz feel
i wanna keep my life simple nw.i dont nd another mess
agn,to turn my world upside down.

i noe i will nv have e same heartbeat like before.
i will nv be e same agn anymore.
im free frm worries.
shandan will be away for 3 weeks,
qianna shld have gt a solution to her prob.
lil agnes is well taken care of nw.
as for me..i juz wanna be set free.

我相信那时的决定没有错。
也相信自己的眼光和感觉。
因为现在的她每天都很开心。
那时帮妹妹拿电话是没错的。
现在她学会了放下，往前走，也长大了。
我不用在守护着她，因为我相信
他可以做得更好，好好的照顾她。
这一次她会快乐和幸福。=)

而我决定不再爱了，心冰封了。
很平静。感觉好老了，累了。
除非我的心还能被感动，
要不然我绝对不会再心动。
曾经有过心动，心疼，心痛的感觉，
但现在很害怕会有这些感觉。
所以我只想拥有现在的简单。
因为真的老了。。

被宠的小孩。

being pampered..

im a happy little boy. =)